morgan's lgbtqia+ stuff
This carrd is for:
Learning about varioriented and nonbinary identities commonly misunderstood
Small references for personal things
Checking out my sick pride flags and gender labels
Notices:
I am a nonbinary asexual gay guy. This is all from personal knowledge and participating in twitter discourse. I know about being varioriented, nonbinary, etc. from being those things.
It's all my thoughts and opinions baybe.
Queer is used in this carrd! It is not a slur. Do not message me telling me not to use queer.
Underlined words are hyperlinks! Click them if you're curious.
I have no idea how to find sources about some of these things because they are microlabels flooded by discourse, or just obscure enough that no reputable body cares. You're welcome to google anything in this carrd. This is really just supposed to be basic info anyway, like "what is nonbinary." Introductory content and counter-arguments to assimilationist discourse.
I made this for personal usage basically, I don't really feel like repeating this stuff over and over to people who don't understand what nonbinary actually is so I just wanted something I could send to people. If you know any good links I'll gladly add them!
Pride Flags: i made them
i make flag sometimes. perma wip section
Gay Achillean / Achillean Gay
Achillean + Gay Man flags! High resolution (5000x3000px) png files available here!
Achillean is a general term for MLM attraction, like sapphic for WLW. I combined it with the gay man flag by Triton to make this version.
Attentiongender
Attentiongender flags! High-resolution (5000x3000px) png files available here!
Attentiongender, or attention gender, is an ADHD neurogender and xenogender where your gender is connected to your ADHD. Alternatively, you could be a "transtrender" and have ADHD.
you can use any pronouns
you can present and feel however you want as long as you relate to it
you don't need dysphoria
you don't have to be a tucute/transtrender/whatever i just thought it fit with trendercore
you can have any type of adhd not just combined or inattentive
self-dx is fine
I chose orange and purple because they were the most common colors on the google search "adhd symbols," there is a flag by yourfavehas-adhd.tumblr.com which is similar and i did see and i put the colors in a different order so they wouldn't be too samey.
butterfly: adhdgrrl.wordpress.com/about-the-butterflyi have diagnosed combined type adhd and am a trans enby! i, Morgan, @pennytable21, definitely coined this and did not steal it from a nasty transphobe on the 18th of October, 2020.
Plantgender
it my plant xenogender
Image ID 1: Flag with four horizontal stripes, like the nonbinary flag. The stripe colors from the top down are: muted blue purple, goldenrod, off-white, and muted olive green.
Image ID 2: The same flag as before, but this time with text overlaid on each stripe. Stripe 1: masculine and feminine. Stripe 2: nonbinary genders and being nonbinary. Stripe 3: genderless. Stripe 4: plants.
Image ID 3: The same flag as before, but this time with an orange drawing of a flower with a stem and leaves off to the left.
Tone Indicators
| Tag | Alt Tag | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| /j | joking | |
| /hj | half joking | |
| /s | sarcastic | |
| /srs | serious | |
| /p | platonic | |
| /r | romantic | |
| /t | teasing | |
| /lh | lighthearted | |
| /nm | not actually mad/upset | |
| /nc | /neg | negative connotation |
| /pc | /pos | positive connotation |
| /nbh | nobody here (for vague posts) | |
| /m | metaphorical | |
| /l | literal | |
| /ij | inside joke | |
| /rh | /rt | rhetorical (usually question) |
| /g | /gen | genuine (usually question) |
| /hyp | hyperbole | |
| /c | copypasta | |
| /ly | lyrics | |
| /sx | /x | sexual intent |
| /nsx | /nx | non-sexual intent |
| /th | threat | |
| /cb | clickbait | |
| /f | fake | |
| /r | real |
Robogender
Image ID: The robogender flag Faunus made, with the meanings of the stripes listed. From the top:
Blue: feelings of masculinity.
Purple/Pink: feelings of femininity.
White: Gender nonconformity.
Grey: Feelings of being a robot.
The original creator of this robogender posted it on Twitter, so in the interest of preserving information, I will be transcribing robots thread. This is the definition and flag I use, in case the thread is ever deleted, taken down, or otherwise unavailable. At the time of this entry (October 16th 2020 7:50 PM PDT) robots pronouns are it/its and ro/robots.
source: twitter.com/SL33PY_M4G3/status/1268312206044729350 and archive link
robogender is a term used by people who feel like theyre deeply attached to robots gender-wise! they can feel feminine, masculine, or any other way and still be robogender! thats what the blue, pink, and white lines are for!!anyone can be robogender regardless of their birth assigned gender or sexual orientation!there are also no set pronouns for robogender!! you can use any pronouns youre comfortable with!!robogender was coined by faunus (@SL33PY_M4G3) june 1st 2020!!
Mspec Lesbians: what are they
Mspec (multiple-attraction spectrum or multisexual spectrum) lesbians, commonly referred to as bi/pan lesbians, are a hot discourse topic. They are commonly called harmful and invalidating to lesbians and other mspec identities, but how they invalidate others isn't often explained. They are also often accused of being transphobic and nbyphobic, despite many being trans and/or nonbinary.
As an mspec enby gay I don't think they are any of those things. But I might be biased.
How can you be an mspec lesbian?
Mspec lesbians are incredibly varied and aren't all the same. They can be bi, pan, ply, omni, etc.
Bi Lesbians:
Varioriented person, most commonly homosexual biromantic or bisexual homoromantic
Person who is questioning whether they are bi or a lesbian
Person with a fluid or changing orientation (ex. from bi to lesbian)
Lesbian who is attracted to nonbinary people who aren't comfortable being included in lesbian attraction, so they fall under the "bi" part instead.
Lesbian who's dating a trans person who came out while they were dating and no longer wants to be included in lesbian attraction, but they're still attracted to them, so they modified their orientation label accordingly to accommodate their partner
Bisexual person (using the 2 or more genders definition) who isn't attracted to men
Bisexual person who has very strong/almost exclusive attraction to women (and possibly only extremely rare or weak attraction to men, if they are attracted to men at all) and therefore feels like they're socially a lesbian
Bisexual person using the historical definition of lesbian (a woman who loves women; although not necessarily a woman, they could be nonbinary)
Nonbinary person with lesbian as their gender but isn't necessarily lesbian in orientation
System with bisexual and lesbian members
And other reasons I haven't thought of.
- "How can you be bisexual and not attracted to men?"
If you go by the "bisexual means attraction to two or more genders," or like just any definition that doesn't specify the genders you are attracted to, you can be attracted to women and nonbinary people (as in specific nonbinary genders or nonbinary as a vague category) and therefore be not necessarily attracted to any men, or any binary men.
Pan Lesbians:
Varioriented person, most commonly homosexual panromantic or pansexual homoromantic
Person who is questioning whether they are pan or a lesbian
Person with a fluid or changing orientation (ex. from pan to lesbian)
Lesbian who is attracted to nonbinary people who aren't comfortable being included in lesbian attraction, so they fall under the "pan" part instead.
Lesbian who's dating a trans person who came out while they were dating and no longer wants to be included in lesbian attraction, but they're still attracted to them, so they modified their orientation label accordingly to accommodate their partner
Pansexual person who is using the "attraction regardless of gender" definition but feels like despite this, they are only attracted to people contained within lesbian attraction, and is uncomfortable labeling themselves as only pan or only lesbian
Pansexual person using the historical definition of lesbian (a woman who loves women; although not necessarily a woman, they could be nonbinary)
Nonbinary person with lesbian as their gender but isn't necessarily lesbian in orientation
System with pansexual and lesbian members
And other reasons I haven't thought of.
Ply (polysexual) Lesbians:
Varioriented person, most commonly homosexual polyromantic or polysexual homoromantic
Person who is questioning whether they are ply or a lesbian
Person with a fluid or changing orientation (ex. from ply to lesbian)
Lesbian who is attracted to nonbinary people who aren't comfortable being included in lesbian attraction, so they fall under the "ply" part instead.
Lesbian who's dating a trans person who came out while they were dating and no longer wants to be included in lesbian attraction, but they're still attracted to them, so they modified their orientation label accordingly to accommodate their partner
Polysexual person who isn't attracted to men
Polysexual person who has very strong/almost exclusive attraction to women (and possibly only extremely rare or weak attraction to men, if they are attracted to men at all) and therefore feels like they're socially a lesbian
Polysexual person using the historical definition of lesbian (a woman who loves women; although not necessarily a woman, they could be nonbinary)
Nonbinary person with lesbian as their gender but isn't necessarily lesbian in orientation
System with polysexual and lesbian members
And other reasons I haven't thought of.
Omni Lesbians:
Varioriented person, most commonly homosexual omniromantic or omnisexual homoromantic
Person who is questioning whether they are omni or a lesbian
Person with a fluid or changing orientation (ex. from omni to lesbian)
Lesbian who is attracted to nonbinary people who aren't comfortable being included in lesbian attraction, so they fall under the "omni" part instead.
Lesbian who's dating a trans person who came out while they were dating and no longer wants to be included in lesbian attraction, but they're still attracted to them, so they modified their orientation label accordingly to accommodate their partner
Omnisexual person who has very strong/almost exclusive attraction to women (and possibly only extremely rare or weak attraction to men) and therefore feels like they're socially a lesbian
Omnisexual person using the historical definition of lesbian (a woman who loves women; although not necessarily a woman, they could be nonbinary)
Nonbinary person with lesbian as their gender but isn't necessarily lesbian in orientation
System with omnisexual and lesbian members
And other reasons I haven't thought of.
Image by sirene-saphique on Tumblr.
Common Arguments
For mspec lesbians specifically, although this goes for all other similar orientations if you just replace the words. Please note that my opinion applies in exactly the same way for mspec gay and straight people as well, mspec lesbians are just what people usually talk about.I use bi here to simplify. I might make more bullets later with ones for the four variants I covered above.
- "Mspec lesbians are harmful because they make allocishet men think they can sleep with lesbians."
They already thought this. It's not the fault of mspec lesbians. Blame the nasty men instead?
- "Lesbians can't be attracted to nonbinary people." / "Lesbians are only attracted to women."
Lesbians can in fact be attracted to nonbinary people, and can be nonbinary, not to mention that nonbinary people can be women, so thanks for your unnecessary lesbophobia, nbyphobia, and transphobia!
- "It's nbyphobic to be an mspec lesbian!" / "All (or) Fem-aligned nonbinary people are included in lesbian attraction, so there's no need to be an mspec lesbian to include nonbinary people."
Not all nonbinary people are comfortable being included in lesbian attraction. "Fem-aligned" and other similar terms cannot be blanket applied to nby people, and even nonbinary women and lesbians may not like being called "fem-aligned". Are butches "masc-aligned" or "fem-aligned"? What am I? What do these alignments even mean? What if someone is multigender or genderfluid?
- "Only aspec people can use the SAM or be varioriented."
As an aspec person, no, anyone can be varioriented. Why would we be the only people who are varioriented? We're not lite versions of other orientations. Honestly, I would say it's aphobic to say that only aspec people can use the SAM.
- "It's confusing for non-aspec people to use the SAM."
It's no more confusing than being an ace or aro lesbian. Maybe they could go with biro lesbian if they're biromantic. You can also literally just ask.
- "Mspec lesbians using the SAM should refer to themselves as Xsexual Xromantic."
Gee, if only there was a shorter way to say that...
- "Mspec lesbian is a new microlabel invented on Tumblr/Twitter."
Untrue, many people have been calling themselves bi lesbians since the 20th century. But even if it was a new microlabel, that doesn't make it invalid or bad or fake.
- "The historic definition is irrelevant and lesbian has changed to mean only mono lesbians, making people who use the historical definition invalid."
Clearly they don't agree and are using it in the old sense, and people are still alive from that era of usage. Radfem transphobes are the ones who pushed to redefine it, too.
- "They should use sapphic instead of lesbian."
Sapphic and Lesbian have the exact same roots and come from the same person - Sappho of Lesbos. (Who may have been bisexual?) Why should they use sapphic over lesbian if they like lesbian?
- "Mspec women can't call themselves lesbians at all."
This comes from gold star lesbianism, the lesbian separatist movement, and second-wave radical feminism, all of which is highly related to TERFs (trans-exclusionary radical feminists) and political lesbianism. I'm not dealing with this can of worms.
- "Lesbians can't be attracted to men."
Literal TERF dogwhistle, where they use "men" to mean trans women. If you say this TERFs will appear because it is literally TERF rhetoric.
Mspec lesbians aren't necessarily attracted to men regardless of TERF whistling, it can just be because of nonbinary people.
- "The dictionary says..."
The dictionary is written by people outside of the community.
Also, for example, the Google dictionary defines lesbian as: "a gay woman." But it defines woman as: "an adult female human being." Not great.
- "My definition of lesbian is a homosexual homoromantic woman."
This is nbyphobic and aphobic. Nonbinary people and aspec people can be lesbians. Bonus transphobia points if you use "female" instead of woman. Just go.
In conversations like these people will often ask, what does lesbian mean to you? So here is my personal definition. Disclaimer: Not a lesbian.
Lesbian: Someone who loves women and identifies as a lesbian. (source)
The most important part of this is the self-identification as a lesbian. If someone says they're a lesbian in good faith, they are a lesbian.
As an exercise, I will replace the words, to show that I do believe this for other labels.
Gay: Someone who loves people of similar genders and identifies as gay.
Straight: Someone who loves people of different genders and identifies as straight.
It turns out that since gay and straight are not targeted at a specific gender, it's a little awkward, but I think it works. I tried my best to phrase them in a general nonbinary inclusive way.
MLM equivalent for lesbian: Someone who loves men and identifies as x term.
There are a lot of equivalents for lesbian for MLM people. For example:
Vincian: Someone who loves men and identifies as vincian.
I have no preference in term. I like all of them.
Straight Lesbians: what are they
I have seen a few pinned posts and carrds saying fuck straight lesbians, while also admitting that they don't know what a straight lesbian is? A straight lesbian is not a political lesbian.
- A political lesbian is a straight woman who decides to "become" a lesbian to follow radical feminist ideals or because they hate men.
A straight lesbian is:
A nonbinary person who is genderfluid and/or multigender who feels like their attraction is lesbian and straight due to their gender changing (therefore being a lesbian sometimes and straight sometimes) or being multiple genders simultaneously (therefore being lesbian and straight at the same time). They don't have to be exclusively man + woman gendered!
Someone with a fluid orientation that changes from straight to lesbian. They aren't necessarily a woman!
Someone who is varioriented and using the Split Attraction Model (SAM), which usually means they are heteroromantic homosexual or homoromantic heterosexual, but they could have other split attractions, like being homosensual heterosexual.
And other reasons I haven't thought of.
I admit that it's a confusing label but the only person I've seen use it was bigender. This also goes for straight gays, but the discourse is usually about lesbians specifically. Not all people who feel like this will use "straight lesbian" to describe themselves and that's okay!
- "Fluid sexualities/orientations don't exist so abrosexual people aren't valid."
Be quiet. If gender can be fluid so can orientation.
- "Only aspec people can be varioriented, so you can't be heteroromantic homosexual or vice versa."
As an aspec person, no, anyone can be varioriented. Why would we be the only people who are varioriented? We're not lite versions of other orientations.
- "Multigender and/or genderfluid people don't exist."
fades away
- "Why not use trixic, toric, etc. if you are nonbinary?"
I'll entertain this idea, although it's extremely insulting to tell someone to use a different label instead of their chosen one because you've decided that their chosen label is incorrect.
There is an entire catalogue of nonbinary attraction labels and not every nonbinary person will feel comfortable using them. They may feel forced into a trinary or a NBLX label is misgendering them or that the labels are just wrong.
Example: I am a nonbinary boy! I do not particularly vibe with NBLM labels, although I accept them. I prefer to use MLM labels in most/all situations. If you told me to "use toric/marsic instead" I would tell you to fuck off.
- "Why not gynosexual/gynesexual?"
Gynesexual has three definitions floating around and quite frankly two of them suck.
CW: genital mention (this comes with all discussions about gynesexual :/)
1. Attraction to women
2. Attraction to females
3. Attraction to vaginas
Definition 1 is cool and good! Definitions 2 and 3 are immensely sketchy if not outright transphobic. Androsexual has similar definitions, but with men/males/penises. I'm not going to explain how genital-based attraction is weird.
Gynesexual and androsexual aren't inherently bad terms, and can be used in good faith, but they are overwhelmingly associated with the second and third definitions of attraction to assigned sex or genitals. These associations can make people uncomfortable with using the term, which is a valid reason not to use it. People using gynosexual or androsexual may be mistaken for being transphobic or TERFs, and some people may be uncomfortable around them because of that perception.
- "Okay, gynesexual and androsexual are bad, how about womasexual and masexual?"
This is the first thing I saw when I discovered womasexual. It's a better term but people might find it infantilizing. Just like "enby," some people might not want to use it for that reason.
CW over
The bottom line is that nobody has to use a particular term that might fit them if they don't like it. You can't force them to use womasexual or trixic or feminamoric because you think it suits them. It's not right to tell people to "use x label instead of y label."
In addition, most suggestions only deal with women-attracted nonbinary people and not people with a fluid orientation or people who are varioriented, so even if all nonbinary people started using trixic or something there would still be abrosexual people and varioriented people who would still be using straight lesbian and straight gay.
General Arguments
These are basically every single argument people make against queer identities they don't like.
- "Why not use (x)? It's basically (y)."
ask yourself why you said this and then stop talking.
There are allowed to be multiple words and phrases for the same thing or things that are similar. It's like all the words for different colors. sure, maybe you think indigo is blue or indigo is purple but that doesn't mean we should get rid of the word indigo.
- "This label is harmful!"
How?
- It makes non-queer/LGBTQIA+ people think we are bad and/or cringe.
The people who are convinced All Gays Are Bad because someone is demisexual or whatever you're on about already thought gays were bad and cringe. This is just an excuse for them to continue to be homophobic. Queer people are not at fault for queermisia.
- It mocks my label or makes my label look like a joke, or it mocks the community or makes the community look like a joke.
A queer person using an identity label earnestly is not mocking you, devaluing your identity, or making it a joke. Do you think this because of the non-queer people or do you just think they're being cringe? It's perfectly fine to be cringe, isn't cringe culture supposed to be dead?
- It makes me dysphoric.
Then don't... use it? Nobody is making you use that label. But you can't ask someone else to stop using a label to describe themselves because it's making you feel dysphoric. It might alleviate their own dysphoria? You have to work this through yourself, it's your problem. I don't like wearing dresses because it makes me dysphoric and uncomfortable, but I can't ask everyone else to stop wearing dresses.
- It's too specific.
And this is bad... how? So? Who cares? There are plenty of hyperspecific words out there. It's not a bad or wrong thing to have a very specific label/term. Are shades of colors too specific and therefore harmful?
- Idk, it just is harmful.
Why should I care if you can't tell me how? Be quiet.
- "This label invalidates a different label!"
How?
- It uses it in some way (the name, it's a microlabel, etc.)
Does yellow-green invalidate yellow and green by combining them? What are your thoughts on peanut butter?
- I feel it means the same thing, or it has a very similar definition.
Are different names for shades of red invalidating the color red? Is indigo invalidating purple and blue? Is violet invalidating purple? Let's just get rid of all the muddied nuance, it's not like people all have personal opinions of the specifics and things are complicated and similar-but-different in real life. But even if two labels literally mean the exact same thing: who cares? Synonyms are real. Redundancy isn't bad. There are so many words and phrases that mean the exact same thing or are extremely similar. What's the difference between terror and fear? Happiness and joy and glee and elation and bliss and ecstasy?
- It makes me feel invalid.
You don't have to use it! This is a you problem. Not everyone is going to use a word the same way you do. It's not invalidating you for someone to exist in a different way than you.
- Idk, it just invalidates it.
Why should I care if you can't tell me how? Be quiet.
- "This label describes something that doesn't exist or isn't queer!"
How?
- It's normal. That means it's not queer.
Perhaps you are someone who should be using this label.
- I don't understand it.
You don't have to understand a label for the experience it describes to exist. How much do you actually know about physics? Saying I don't understand it, that makes it not real, is how we get flat earthers and anti-vaxxers.
- It doesn't make sense or it contradicts itself.
1. Does it actually, or do you just think that it does because like, you think being X and being Y are mutually exclusive? (ex. being a man and being a woman.)
2. It doesn't have to make sense to exist.
3. Even if it actually does contradict... does that matter? Gender and orientation can be very complex and confusing. If someone understands their gender identity as both having a gender and not having a gender simultaneously, why is that a problem? Did that concept punch you?
- It goes against the definitions I am familiar with for any of the terms involved.
Not everyone has to use the same definitions that you use for any given term. Also, terms can mean more than one thing. There are words with close to a hundred definitions. It's very common!
- It's not queer because it's not based in same-gender attraction and I've decided it's not trans (if it's a gender identity.)
I fundamentally disagree with this definition of queerness, I think being queer is like anything against the cis-hetero-patriarchy. Being aspec is against that, being intersex is against that, being mspec is against that, being gay is against that, being trans is against that... I don't agree with that definition of our community.
- It's not real because I don't think the people it describes exist.
?
- I believe they are using the wrong label, ergo, their current label is not real.
They're not you?
- They are trolling or lying.
Assume good faith. Do you actually know that, or are you just saying this because you dislike the label? This isn't in reference to like, obvious bait xenogenders and such where they use slurs or be blatantly offensive, but like "this looks like a contradiction." Straight lesbians, for example, will get called bait occasionally.
The SAM: what is it
The [SAM](https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/SplitAttractionModel_(SAM) or Split Attraction Model is what many varioriented people use to describe themselves. Using the SAM, you can describe your different types of attraction if they differ from each other.
- Aspec is a term for people on the asexual and aromantic spectrums. Rather than say acespec and arospec, it's much easier and faster to say aspec.
Q: Isn't this what most aspecs use?
A: Yes. I am aspec and I use it. I think it's very useful. Not all aspec people use the SAM, though. And not all varioriented people use the SAM either. It's just the most widespread system of describing split attraction.
Q: Is it only for them?
A: No, anyone can be varioriented. Aspec people aren't special.
Q: How many types of attraction are there?
A: As far as I know, there's five main types: sexual, sensual, romantic, platonic, and aesthetic. There are two types of attraction primarily used by aspec people: queerplatonic and alterous.
Types of Attraction
Sexual attraction is a desire to have a sexual relationship or contact with a particular person. A sexual crush is called a smush.
Romantic attraction is a desire to have a romantic relationship or contact with a particular person. A romantic crush is called a crush.
Platonic attraction is a desire to have a platonic relationship with a specific person. This type of attraction is broadly defined, it is frequently used to describe everything from plushes to friend crushes and you will sometimes see it in place of other more specific types of attraction. A platonic crush is called a squish.
Aesthetic attraction is when one appreciates the beauty or appearance of another person, in a way that is disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction. An aesthetic crush is called a swish.
Sensual attraction is a desire to interact with another person in a tactile, non-sexual way, like hugging, cuddling, and hand holding. A sensual crush is called a lush.
QueerPlatonic attraction, also known as quasiplatonic, quirkyplatonic, or qplatonic, is a desire to have a queerplatonic relationship (QPR) with another person. A queerplatonic relationship is like a romantic relationship, but without the romance. A queerplatonic crush is called a plush or a squash.
Alterous attraction is a sort of grey area between platonic and romantic attraction. It is described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being platonic and/or romantic. An alterous crush is called a mesh.
Nonbinary: what is it
if you are seeing this page, it's because you don't know what nonbinary means.
don't worry, i will educate you. scroll down now
Image ID: Image of an umbrella with the word "nonbinary" above it and the text inside: "Agender, Genderfluid, Genderflux, Multigender (ex. bigender), Demigender (ex. demigirl), Aporagender (ex. maverique), Xenogender (ex. crayongender), Cultural Gender (ex. Hijra), + Others not listed! These are all umbrella terms as well for a variety of gender identities and can overlap!! you can identify with multiple terms on this list. agender isn't really an umbrella term, but is definitely nonbinary! Nonbinary can also be used as a gender ID in and of itself! Not everyone listed under this umbrella identifies as nonbinary or transgender! Respect them if they don't." Graphic by @pennytable21 on Twitter.
Nonbinary identities are any gender identity that isn't exclusively and totally man/boy or woman/girl. Nonbinary is also a gender identity in and of itself.
- Agender is when someone has no gender or is genderless. Agender people can still feel connected to genders and you can be agender and another gender.
- Genderfluid is when someone's gender identity is fluid and changes, like from girl to boy. It may change slowly or rapidly, or at varying rates.
- Genderflux is when someone's gender varies in feeling or intensity, like going from boy to demiboy. (That would be called boyflux.) It's similiar to genderfluid.
- Multigender is when someone has or feels connected to multiple genders. Multigender people are often genderfluid, but aren't necessarily. For example, bigender is a multigender identity. Many bigender people are men and women, but bigender is just having two genders, and neither of them have to be a binary gender. I am a non-fluid multigender person!
- Demigenders are partial genders. For example, demigirl is a partial girl. Demigenders can also be "barely this" genders, as in they feel they're very loosely a girl or only vaguely connected with it. There are more specific words for this but demigender is the most commonly used label for partial genders!
- Aporagenders are genders outside of the man to woman spectrum and are entirely divorced from it. They aren't neutral, in-between, or a lack of gender.
- Xenogenders are genders which aren't defined by their relation to the man-woman binary but are instead related to other concepts like animals, plants, or objects.
- Cultural genders are genders from non-Western cultures which aren't man or woman.
- Genderqueer is a general umbrella label for Gender Funkiness. It can be someone's only gender label or one of many. It can be used as an alternative to nonbinary.
- There are a lot of different labels, and I'm sure I didn't get all possible categories here, but this is a pretty good general starting point for understanding the variety of nonbinary identities!
Not all agender (or any gender identity listed above) people identify as transgender or nonbinary. They are usually considered nonbinary as they aren't binary, but someone who is, say, bigender, might not personally identify as nonbinary. Don't "correct" someone about their own gender identity - they know it better than you do!
Style note: Although I use "identifies as/with" language here, this should not be taken to mean that nonbinary people are not actually their gender(s) or lacking one, depending on the person.
- "Don't nonbinary people have no gender?"
No, that's agender people. Some nonbinary people have no gender but you can have a gender (or genders!) and be nonbinary.
- "What pronouns can/do nonbinary people use?"
Any ones they like. Nonbinary people often use they/them but can use any pronouns, like he/him, she/her, it/its, fae/faer, ze/hir, xe/xem, bun/buns... The list is infinite, just like the amount of gender identities. Not all nonbinary people use they/them and it's wrong to assume they all do, or that they all like or prefer they/them pronouns.
- "Are nonbinary people supposed to be androgynous?"
No. Nonbinary people are not supposed to present in any particular way, and there are many nonbinary people who either don't want to be androgynous or can't present that way for a variety of reasons. Nonbinary people can be and present feminine or masculine, no matter their assigned gender.
- "If someone is nonbinary, isn't using any binary terminology to describe them like lesbian, man, etc. misgendering? Are they misgendering themselves if they call themselves nonbinary lesbians or nonbinary women?"
Nonbinary people can still identify with binary terminology. You don't have to be divorced from the binary entirely to be nonbinary. The idea that you can "misgender yourself" as many people have put it is very silly. Who is the authority on your gender identity: yourself, or some random person?
Also, you can identify with binary genders and still be nonbinary! Demigender, multigender, and genderfluid are the most common identities to identify with binary genders. A multigender person might identify as a boy and a girl or a boy and maverique or every gender.
- "This nonbinary identity seems contradictory, doesn't make sense to me, or I don't understand it. (For example, being a boy and a girl.) Does this mean it's not real?"
No, things that don't make sense or seem like contradictions are still very real. There are plenty of languages I don't know, or mathematical equations and theorems and such that don't make sense to me or seem contradictory and they're real. (Like .9 repeating being equal to 1.) Not understanding them and finding them contradictory doesn't negate their existence.
- "Are nonbinary people trans?"
This is a complicated question. Generally, the answer is yes, nonbinary people are trans -- that's what the white stripe on the trans flag is for -- but not every nonbinary person considers themselves trans, for a variety of reasons.
Trans nonbinary people don't identify completely or only with the gender they were assigned at birth (aka their agab). They're trans just like binary trans people.
Cis nonbinary people generally say they're cis because they identify with their assigned gender in some way, like being demigender or multigender. Not every nonbinary person who still identifies with their assigned gender considers themselves cis, and there might be other reasons, I just don't know them.
There are also nonbinary people who don't consider themselves cis or trans. Sometimes this might be because they're rejecting the cis/trans binary.
If you want to know why someone calls themselves something, you should politely ask them personally, because I can't read every nonbinary person's mind and list out every possible reason someone uses whatever label.
- "Do nonbinary people experience gender dysphoria?"
Many nonbinary people experience gender dysphoria, but it's not a requirement to be nonbinary (or trans) to have dysphoria. Nonbinary dysphoria can be like binary dysphoria, or it can be the stereotypical "androgynous" dysphoria, or it can be something entirely different. You shouldn't ask invasive questions about how people personally feel dysphoria though, that can feel very shitty.
- "Do nonbinary people medically transition? (get hormone replacement therapy, surgery, etc.)"
Some do, some don't, just like binary trans people. It's a matter of personal choice and the ability to access medical services if they desire them.
Below are some informational pages for things I don't want to explain like:
- nondysphoric trans people
- how to talk about and to trans people
- xenogenders
- neopronouns
- why people use neopronouns
- guides to using neopronouns
- please note that the pronoun resources linked do not contain All Of The Pronouns Ever.
- please also note that the gender resources linked do not contain All Of The Gender Identities Ever.
Feel free to use Google if you don't like these pages!
Morgannnnn what's your Dysphorias
Since this page is for talking at a faceless internet entity that doesn't exist in my brain, I will share my weird dysphoria details. Maybe it'll help a fellow enby out.
I have "binary dysphoria" (I want to be perceived as a man) and also "alternative dysphoria" where I absolutely do not want the body or parts of a man. I am altersex, which is an obscure but very straight forward term -- alternative sex, altersex, ba-boom. If sex and gender were the same thing, I would be agender, but I am not.
Altersex was coined to replace slurs and to give actual language with not terrible roots. It's not meant to be applied to people without their blessing, you have to identify in, if you call some random trans person altersex they will smite you.
Anyway. I'm angenital, which means I hate having sex characteristics. I want to have no genitals at all. That is the ideal for me. "Both" sets of genitals are repulsive to me. If I was going to have genitals, because I have a very slight and infrequent desire occasionally to have something, I would want something that I could get rid of the moment I felt uncomfortable with it. I would also like something that isn't recognizably human, because again, human genitals (and most real genitals honestly) are nasty as hell.
This is something I've felt long before I knew being trans was a possibility, or before I had heard of these even conceptually, so I mean, it can happen in a vacuum. I felt very strong emotions when finding out there were terms to describe how I felt about it, so, I do really hope this helps someone, even if mostly binary cis people will see this.